I’ve been traveling the world teaching dating advice and personal development for over 3 years now. It has been quite the crazy journey. God, if only I could tell you all the crazy stories a young dude who has nothing to lose experiences when the world is at his feet… From lustful sex orgies to ménage à trois to the classic boy-hopelessly-falls-in-love-with-that-special-girl scenario.
I’ve cried both for joy and from pain, I’ve been stressed out of my mind, I found moments of bliss, I laughed, I loved, I’ve done it all… and at the end of the day, one kinda realizes that it’s not your sexual conquests, it’s not the amount of attention, the women, or the money.
It’s about self-love, it’s about looking back to a life full of opportunities. Opportunities that you grasped. So just so you know. Success with women is a nice thing to attain, but not everything.
When I was asked to share a couple words on this issue the above paragraph is what came to my mind first… but it also transitions wonderfully into our first hack:
Learn how to love yourself
Trust me, I’ve been there, and I see around 90% of my clients being there: “If only I could get this ONE girl to fall in love with me… if only I could bed x amount of women… THEN I could be happy. THEN I could have proof that I am indeed a real man, a valuable being.” Wrong, wrong and wrong, in fact, there truly is no bigger turnoff for an attractive woman than this feeling of incompletion.
Yes, yes, I know Hollywood often times tries to sell us the “romantic” idea of a man in desperate need of a woman is the greatest gift he could give her. We’re remembering a young Tom Cruise standing there with tiers in his eyes gasping out the words “you complete me”. Wonderful, wonderful, but this is the real life, homie.
A woman wants a man who OWNS his life. A woman wants a man who has everything. Yes, he loves her, yes he would take a damn bullet for her, but deep down inside he doesn’t need her. He needs nobody. He surely appreciates everyone, he surely loves everyone and cares for his loved ones, but he is complete already.
Learn social dynamics: go out go out go out
Yeah, I’m sorry, I know this article isn’t getting any easier… nor is it getting any more re-assuring. “Be yourself and the right woman will come along! God/Karma/The Universe will provide!” Uhm… yeah. The much more accurate truth is that the right woman has come your way already. Multiple times… you were just too caught up in excuses to make something out of it.
Wake up, homie, you’re not going to bump into the perfect girl at the corner of the library. You’ll need to go out. Yes, go out.
Go talk to the cute girl at the grocery store, talk to the girls at the gym, hit up a bar or a nightclub on the weekends. No, you don’t have to get hopelessly drunk every weekend, just GO OUT. Talk to people, get into the habit of TALKING, socializing, “vibing”.
Remember when I said there’s no bigger turnoff than desperation? Well, right below that is the inability to read social cues. Women LOVE a man who’s able to hold conversations, who’s able to read the situation, who’s CALIBRATED in his physical advances.
Yes, you surely have to be courageous and learn how to boldly go for that kiss on the first date, even though you’ve been both sitting there awkwardly for hours already. But eventually you’ll learn how to seize that perfect moment every time and your interactions become more and more smooth.
But then again, you can only learn that by TRYING. Fail forward, my friend 😉
So while hacks #1 and #2 already help you stand out from the masses of losers (yeah, trust me 99% of the guys you THINK are cool are actually pretty bad with girls), hack #3 will truly catapult you up to advanced level.
It might seem super counter intuitive but if you acquire the ability to walk away from ANY girl at ANY given situation (no matter how “hot” or “amazing” she is) you will see girls almost magically be drawn to you.
And you really wanna know why the word “no” is such a beautiful thing for them to hear? … Because they never get to hear it. A beautiful woman has the world at her feet. And you know very well that we want what we can’t have. So be the one guy that has boundaries, that’s not always available, that doesn’t NEED her (remember, hack #1?)
How to get there? Easy: Realize what it is you want from a woman, realize what’s a huge turnoff for you, set those boundaries up for yourself and you’ll see women be drawn towards you.
I’ve walked away from multiple otherwise-amazing women without hesitation because they didn’t treat other people or animals with respect (a huge no-go for me). I’ve walked away from hot one night stands because her lips tasted like an ashtray. Sorry, but not sorry. “In my reality that’s unattractive and you need to go.”
Oh, this way you’ll also save yourself a lot of heartache. Women only break hearts that have no standards 😉
Now guess why hack #3 comes after hack #2? You need to go out first, you need to experiment, try things, you need to get to know yourself before you even know what you truly want!
Become fully okay with your sexuality
Oh, this one’s huge. Because you might feel quite some resistance reading through this.
You are a man and that is okay. You have a penis, you have a libido, you LIKE sex, you lust for women. NONE of that is unnatural and most certainly NONE of that is something to be ashamed of.
Mainstream media often tries to shame us with lines like “all men want is sex!”. Uhm yes, that’s what we’re biologically built for. I guess we’re sorry for having evolved into healthy sexual mammals?
Guess what, women LOVE sex just as much. In fact, I would dare to say they love it even more. Compare a woman’s orgasm with a man’s orgasm. I’ve never heard of a guy shaking his body uncontrollably for minutes while yelling out “Oh god oh god, I’m coming!!!”. We guys are more like “ah yes” and that’s it, haha.
Anyways, a man’s ability to fully OWN his sexuality and not be ashamed by it does something very wonderful: It transfers this feeling of “okayness” to the girl. You want to unleash your woman’s (or any woman’s) sexual side? Unleash yours first. Wear your sexuality, your desires, your lust with pride. They’re wonderful emotions and nothing to be ashamed of!
Probably the most important, most powerful hack of them all. Being fearless. Pretty much every of the above mentioned hacks imply the need of being fearless.
Nowadays we’re getting so much fear pumped into our brains, it’s insane. We’re afraid of getting rejected when we go talk to that cutie we see at the bar. We’re afraid of what other people would think of us if we approached a girl in the shopping mall. We’re afraid to fail, we’re afraid of being sexual, we’re afraid of loud night clubs.
This fear is everywhere. Now you can either nurture a PASSIVE relationship with fear or an ACTIVE relationship with fear. You can use fear as a reason NOT to do it or you can use fear as a reason TO do it. You can have it fuel you, you can make fear your greatest ally.
Just imagine you’re walking down the street and you’re that ONE guy who’s not afraid. You’re that one guy who’s able to easily strike up conversation ANYWHERE. At work, at school, on the bus, at the gym, at the bar, the nightclub, ANYWHERE.
If I truly learned only ONE thing during my crazy travel adventures around the world it’s that the ability to do something despite of fear will result in one of two things:
You win. Or you learn. Both desirable outcomes if you ask me. And at the end of the day, you’ll always be happy that you did it.
It’s not about the countless times you’ve bailed out. It’s about that ONE time where you didn’t.
And that’s exactly why I’ve created a program called Fearless – The Approach Anxiety Buster, which will do just that: it will help you overcome your fear.
So if you liked what you’ve read, if you are ready to step up in life and get more attractive girls in your life than you could ever handle (haha) then have a look at www.crushingmyfear.com. I got a bunch of free videos on there that will already get you pretty far. If you then decide you want to get on board with the program, do it. If not, you can always just stick with the free videos 😉
Best wishes and gg,
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